To heal and grow in life we need to experience healthy social and emotional relationships; relationships that allow us to experience the truth of love. It is in this kind of fellowship where we get the necessary strength to start changing.
Sexual addiction is characterized by loneliness – the closet that allows us to continue in our sin. We isolate ourselves. We hide and lose touch with people who can help us. Sexual addicts pursue solitude, isolation, confinement. This “do not mess with me” attitude is what allows them to continue their secret sin.
The challenge: “isolation” in most cases continues even after we stop sinning. Because we have become accustomed to solitude and isolation, we prefer to be “alone” (which of course is “bad company”). And we do not realize that this solitude feeds and encourages addiction, which happens to be both a physical as well as a mental thing. Solitude allows us to continue with our “virtual” life of sin in our minds, as we have time to think, or rather, to get lost in our fantasies.
Since we feel that in the past, certain interactions with others have hurt us, our instinct is to avoid relationships so as not to be injured again. This leaves a huge void within us, and it is exactly that emptiness that we are trying desperately to fill with sexual sin.
Is it a Catch 22? Is there no way to get there from here? Let’s look to God’s word:
The Bible says this in 1 Corinthians 13:3
And if I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
That text focuses on two manifestations of what I will call “religious addiction” (compulsive unselfishness – here, the Christian attempts to force himself to be selfless, resulting in an unselfishness that is not genuine. The other manifestation is and masochistic suffering, looking for reasons to be hurt). That pretty much tells the result of not giving love: gained nothing, profited nothing.
The same can be said of any addiction; I wear myself out pursuing pleasure and ultimately gain nothing. I receive nothing in return for wasting my time, money and health trying to numb the hurting of loneliness, emptiness. Such pain only becomes greater.
So, although having social relationships, having friends and mingling with other people can seem frightening, THAT IS THE ROAD TO RECOVERY, health, freedom.
The vulnerabilities of emotional intimacy may remind you of past terror in your life, when you were abused, deceived, or betrayed, but there is no other way to recover from isolation. We have seen the result of compulsions and addictions – nothing profitable can come from those. But in the intimacy of social and emotional relationships there is healing. They allow us to build the necessary foundations to receive and give love to others. And that is a real gain.
REMEMBER … love, never fails. It is the only thing that heals. Ask
God to help you and give you the strength to seek social and emotional relationships with people who will help you heal your wounded heart.
Pray with me:
Lord, look into my heart, look at my wounds, look at my loneliness, my isolation. You can make me escapt my wounds and give me true love. Father, what I fear most is what I need, I want to love and be loved, give me the strength and character to open my heart to love today.
In Jesus Christ, amen.
Dr. Ricky Marroquin, founder of the Free in Christ ministry. Real Life Church pastor in Guatemala, successful entrepreneur. You can follow him on twitter as @rickymarrolec (https://twitter.com/rickymarrolec)